Of Bad Boys and Bad Bit#hes

Of Bad Boys and Bad Bit#hes

Disclaimer: not all girls are this shallow. Some girls just know the value of their worth and act accordingly. And the self respecting ones…ana Miss Independent, they’re not talked about here.

I know I am guilty of having used the phrase “good guys finish last” as much as girls are equally guilty of using the phrase “all men are dogs”. I love how we all see the faults in the other sex, express our anger towards them and blame them for the unhappiness we’ve experienced. You find yourself blaming that fiiiiine girl in town ‘cause some other girl broke your heart. I think it is fair to say that as humans it is rather in our nature to bring this upon ourselves. I can already hear the mumblings (“how am I to blame for the fact that he was a dog?”)

Let us be fair. Not all men are dogs and though the fact that good guys finish last may be true…it is not the women who are to blame. The biggest reason why all these things happen is because us humans love tempting God and hoping for miracles where there shouldn’t be any. Good girls want to tame sharks, and good guys love playing “Captain Save-a-hoe.”

I think there’s something wrong with good guys. But first we have to confirm that a great number (not all) of you good guys were at some point, erm how do I say this nicely, socially awkward. Forced to watch the cool kids from the sidelines, you were substitutes in the game of life. This usually gives rise to a situation with symptoms similar to those experienced by older men who get mid – life crisis (though I don’t believe in that). They want to make up for the time they feel they lost while preparing for a better life, and feel they owe it to society to prove that they shouldn’t be on the benches anymore. They feel that they should be on the forefront of living, with the now less educated cool kids. For them, what better way to show this than by getting that one babe even all the cool kats want. And that, my dear friends…is a bad bit#ch!! That girl who isn’t afraid to rock the loudest (not vulgar!!) hairdo, express herself through her clothes, words and actions. This is all very well for our geeky good guys, playing sir Lancelot to Nicki Minaj but there are a coupla things that will destroy the good guy. Firstly, the value system that most good guys is different because of the differing social experiences. If our good guy were to somehow by some miracle come accross the accurate figure (impossible as this is) of the Bad Bit#hes ‘mileage, we would have a stroke, followed by a coma, on our hands. Secondly, Bad bitches have the attention span of a down syndrome 3 year old. So after a while, a really short while, she will get tired of that boring, traditional love you were taught by the Disney classics you gay fuck! And that’s how you, Mr. good guy get your fickle heart broken.

I know all the geeks out there secretly hoped that the rise to fame for geeks like the Facebook boys and a couple of other geeks would open doors for geeks worldwide. Well it didn’t! The Bad Boy, that suave, cool guy who can spontaneously churn out charm attached to the worst advice on the with the conviction of a Pentecostal pastor; that’s what the girls want. Yes, girls seem to love that guy who doesn’t fall to her feet and worship the ground she walks like the idiotic good guy. They want the bad boy, even though it does not look like it can move any further******. Good girls sit there thinking that a bad boy will add a little fire to their lives. Be that hot peri peri added to the Nando’s chicken that is their life. They too, like the good guy, are hung up on the fiery life they missed out on while they were busy swotting through that accounting degree for four years without a social life at all. It is true though, bad boys present spontaneity that good guys don’t possess, even when the dream of themselves as cool. Bad boys! Bad boys! Bad boys! They do have that fire, but it’s like trying to fry an egg with a flamethrower and that’s how they get burnt. Good girls, third degree burns all over your heart, and in the extreme cases all over your %^*&$# as well.

The bad bitches have gotten smarter though. They are aware of the existence boring engineers who had no social life apart from the very occasional beer in a bar full of guys and very little eye candy during the five year degree 439km away from home. No one wants acceptance into the social scene more than this group of individuals. At this level, he has a good job at a good company with a good salary and can buy a car in his first year of work. It’s good to note that he can also afford your $100 weave, and if that isn’t security for some girls, what is? He still has his somewhat strong church background and makes time every Sunday. So it is on one of those Sundays that he will meet the perfect potential wife, a girl so pretty he knows getting her means he has defied the odds; focused on nothing but school, had no life and was rewarded. He can now have a good job and a good looking girlfriend. What he might not know is that he has met what me and my friends like to call a “Retired Brigadier General”, a bad bit#ch gone good. But who am I to judge right?